©2010 Dianne PoinskiLately when I sit down to write a blog post I start thinking about who might read it and what they will think of me when they do. Who are these people I am afraid of? Some of them are other local photographers and artists. While I may be a bit intimidated, (which is mostly about me, not them), these are all people I respect and admire.
So why do I want to hide? One concern is I fear I am not qualified enough to share what I know in such a public forum. I also feel a little shy about promoting myself and my work here, on my website or in my newsletters (the fact that I even have a newsletter feels a little funny.)
Where does this come from? Part of it has to do with my qualifications. I don’t have a degree in photography (or anything else for that matter, but I did go to school to become an accountant). My understanding of the technical side of photography is limited. On top of that, even though I hand-color, I am not a painter and I lack basic knowledge of color theory. I know there will be some that argue that I am placing too much importance on this, and I am always working to educate myself as much as possible, but I often wonder what a diploma would have done for my confidence.
As more people find out I have this blog, these insecurities have made writing more difficult. There is this little voice in the back of my head whispering “who are you to be talking about photography?” “You are no expert.” And on my darker days….. “you are just a bookkeeper, not an artist”. I have also started to feel a reluctance to talk about the business I have been building around my photography for the last 15 years.
All this self doubt has made it feel like I have been holding back a bit and I don’t want to do that anymore. The blogs I love to read are the ones where they share their knowledge, while also giving me a glimpse into their lives. It feels good to know I am not the only one struggling to feel confident enough to call themselves an artist, or that they too would like to make some money with their art but are afraid to admit it.
All I know is that I am passionate about what I do and I enjoy sharing that. I love connecting with people this way and I am so grateful for all of you that have left comments or sent emails with support and encouragement. I have received a lot of positive feedback about my work over the years and I am going to try to keep that front and center instead of opening the door wide and letting the critics invade my head. If anyone has some suggestions on how to do this, that does not involve years of therapy, I would love to hear from you!
Another option is to start a completely different blog and not tell anybody. For a moment, I seriously considered this…………………
Image Info - Lighthouse on Vancouver Island near Victoria. This was not hand-colored, but I had a blast working on it!