Thursday, August 6, 2009

More Reflections

I have been back from Paris almost three weeks. After recovering from my jet lag I jumped in and immediately started working on images from the trip. I was excited and couldn't wait to see what I had. I edited, printed, and even hand-colored 6 small prints in that time. And then the other day I hit a wall.

I woke up on Tuesday and felt like cleaning. This is usually a sign that something is up, and while cleaning my basement I identified it and have been reflecting on it ever since.

I have been moving too fast, trying to do too much and in the process began to feel burned out, resentful and bored with myself.

On a deeper and more personal level I also knew I needed some time to grieve. Until now I haven’t been ready to publicly talk about it, but six days before I left for Paris my dear friend Susan passed away after a very courageous fight with leukemia. Susan was a bright light in so many lives, a very talented photographer and too young to be taken from us.

In the days before I left for Paris I had a million things to do so I really didn’t have time to think about it. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready. Every once in awhile, usually while driving, it would hit me and I would shed a few tears, put myself back together and do what was needed.

Paris was one of Susan’s favorite cities and so I went with the intention to honor her spirit and celebrate our friendship. I lit a candle for her in Notre Dame which felt so right.

Her memorial took place while I was away and I was very sorry I missed it. I think I could have used the closure and the connection with mutual friends. I am trying to get a few us together to do our own little memorial for her.

In the meantime, I gave myself the time this week to let the reality of all this sink in and feel what I needed to feel. As a result, I am feeling more grounded and centered and ready to do the “slow” work of hand-coloring some 16 x 20 prints and reflect on how grateful I am for having had Susan in my life for the last 10 years.


©2009 Dianne Poinski

3 comments:

  1. Diane, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend Susan. I am sending an Angel of Comfort to you.
    I could not image losing so close of a friend. My BFF and I have been friends since I was 6 years old. Next month we will celebrate 33 years of friendship.
    Wishing you a scent-sational day!
    Patty

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  2. Thank you so much Patty! I really appreciate your kind and comforting words!It just reminds us all how we have to cherish our friendships!.

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  3. Hi Dianne, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Hugs to you!

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