Someone asked me after last week's post if I was taking another break? I said "no"....... just feeling the need to tune into the rhythm of the season.
At the same time, I was getting clearer about my "word" for the year, and what kept coming up was "courage". One day, this bracelet that my daughter's boss, Kelly Rae Roberts gave me, fell from the rack of bracelets in a way that felt like it was saying "pay attention"!
When I began this blog in February 2008, my intention was to use it as a place to share my processes, my views about life as an artist and anything else that came up. Back then, the "experts" were not out there saying you HAD to have a blog in order to succeed as an artist. There were not as many "experts" then as there are now and to be honest, I am tired of being told what to do.
So how does this all tie in?
I have decided to take some time off to regain clarity on my "why" for not only writing each week, but why I am doing anything. I have felt like this blog has become simply one more thing on my "to do" list each week and it doesn't feel good. Actually, that list contains far too many items that may need to go.
I feel like "rebooting" and that's where "courage" comes in. I am afraid to walk away from this and other aspects of my art career, but I have become confused as to what I really want to do as opposed to what I "should" be doing.
You know when you have a suspected allergy, and you have to eliminate foods and other things to discover the true cause of your suffering? Once you take away possible culprits, you then reintroduce them slowly to get a clearer picture of what is causing the problem.
I feel like that is what I want to do. Minimize, simplify and get back to the roots of why I even want to make and share my art, then possibly add back elements that feel authentic.
It's noisy out there and I don't want to add to it.
So as of now, this is just a break. I may pop in sporadically, return to a routine or go away for a very long time. I don't know. I know this sort of thing is not recommended by the "experts", but I have to start listening to the "expert" that resides in my heart..... not the internet.
For the time being, I am not abandoning my Facebook page, but that may happen too. In some ways, my Facebook posts are like little blog posts, so if you want to keep up and stay in touch, you can find me here: Facebook Page. If you are already following me, don't be surprised to find a reduction in activity there as well.
This has been a long time coming. There were many times when I simply wanted to walk away. I longed for the days of postcards and maybe an email or two that announced what I was doing. Announced in a very quiet way........
So I am "feeling the fear and doing it anyway". I want to open up space in my head and my calendar to slow down. I want to cook more and garden. I have discussed these desires before, but I always find a way to convince myself that is not really what I want......but that is starting to take too much energy.
In the last few weeks, I have been making an effort to take the time to prepare meals. This one act forces me to be very intentional and deliberate about not only what is going in my body, but how I am scheduling my time. I bought seed packets the other day. I have been reading novels and not "self-help" or "art business" books.
This all sounds good, but it's scary. I will still be busy, but I want it to be on my terms. Busy doing what feels right to me. I believe this will take courage, but I am ready to try!
Sending peace and love to everyone out there who may be reading this.